Family

This last week I was elated to find a good friend/brother on facebook.  Many of you don't know the story about TJ and my family.  Many of you don't know the story of Jim and Tommy and my family.  Any of you who are not in a police/sheriff's department or fire department also don't know why we call each other family.  So today's topic-family.  An essay by me. :)
One Webster's definition of family is:the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family.  First responders families are anything but traditional.  Growing up, it wasn't uncommon for my dad and mom to be called in for the same call, or at the same time for different reasons.  It also wasn't uncommon for either parent to spend more time with their co-workers than their spouse.  It's the life of a first responder.  They have to be available 24/7, and have to drop their families to save another family.  Growing up I was never jealous, instead regarded my parents as hero's.  Cliche much?  Probably.  But this tight knit community is just that, a community.  We're a family, and always will be.  After mom retired, my sister and I were told by the "old timers" that we were always going to be their family, and we could always call on them if we needed anything.  When I got married, the "old timers" at the SO gave my husband the "if you hurt her, I hurt you" speech.  It's a blessing to have so many uncles and aunts who love you and will always, I mean ALWAYS, look out for you.

I suppose growing up this way made me realize that family isn't always blood.  Family is who you love and care about.  My best friend Mariah and Levin (best friend from high school) are an example of how close friends become extra siblings to you.  This is where Jim and Tommy come in.  I met Jim 12 years ago while skiing.  The Loveland group was kind enough to adopt me into their club, and we instantly became friends.  I'm lucky enough to still call several people from this group friends.  But Jim was different.  As my sister says, he's probably my soul mate, but we would kill each other if we were in any type of a romantic relationship.  We're alike, yet different.  Come college, we spent a lot of our freshman year getting into trouble, when mama H died, my heart broke, because she was my second mama.  He is my brother.  I love him dearly, hate him dearly and everything in between.  His little brother is also my little brother.  There is not, nor ever has been, an physical attraction to him.  He's been a kindred spirit.  Same with Tommy.  Then there's TJ.  When my sister and parents went to the Bahama's in high school, they quickly formed a bond with TJ.  Sort of adopted him unofficially.  I haven't talked to him in years, so finding him and his wife on facebook was great.  At the end of the day, I love all three of these boys (and wives) as if they were my brothers (and sister's in law). 

There is no boundry to family.  With that said though, just because some one is a blood relative, does not mean they are family.  My husband, father and I argue this more than we should.  I have relatives I do not consider my family.  I don't love them like I do my family, nor do I confide in them like I do my family.  I'm sure some of you are reading this thinking "what a bitch" or "I wonder if she's talking about me."  I'm not going to make a list of my family, because that is something that is inappropriate and hurtful.  But I hope by reading this, you will understand a little of where I come from.  When I say Madysen had many uncles who love her, I truly mean many uncles.  I have one blood sister, my best friend, the one who knows all my baggage.  But Mariah, and some day, Melissa, are also my sisters, and aunts to Madysen.  Having non blood relatives as aunts and uncles does not adulterate the meaning behind aunts and uncles.  I think it strengthens the meaning.   

So I challenge you, who do you consider family?  What are your takes on family?

To trust or not to trust?

Being a human, I have faults.  Many, many faults.  The one that constantly bites me in my big rear is my ability to trust someone from the beginning of a relationship.  This includes saying things in which I would expect someone to use discretion when further disclosing, or better yet, not disclosing at all.  This most recently bit me in the rear when I said something about a persons demeanor, how I felt someone was unnecessarily rude when I was a paying customer.  After I said it, I wished I could have taken it back.  I remembered when I worked in customer service.  We all have bad days and sometimes our frustration gets taken out on the innocents.  My bad experience could have been attributed to many factors behind the counter.  Instead of retracting my statement, I let it be, thinking nothing of it.  Until I get thrown under the bus for something that was misconstrued.  Do I make apologies for what I said?  Yes, I do.  Am I upset for being used as "evidence," a little, but I'm not going to make any excuses for what I said.  I said it, like I said earlier, I'm not perfect.  My mamma made the best comment last week, "we're all a little socially awkward.  We all say things we would like to take back, but we say it."  I think the worst part about this, is it hurt people.  People I care about, and people I consider my friends (none of which I said any comments about). So, here comes my dilemma.  Why do I trust people??!! 

I do understand what I said was what I said, I do take responsibility for that.  And recently I have stopped wasting so much energy hating/disliking/being angry at people.  But sometimes it's hard.  I should retract that, I'm really not angry at this person for saying what they said.  I'm more so upset at myself for not thinking before I speak and for always being surprised when I trust people, just to end up hurt. 

A Conversation with My Daughter

As I'm frantically trying to get my daughter ready for preschool this morning we entered into a very bizarre conversation that only a child with wild imagination could facilitate.  We begin, as we typically do, brushing hair, brushing teeth, picking out clothes etc.  Then we get into our compliment each other bit, I say she looks pretty, she replies "Thanks!  You look pretty too!".  As I'm getting her shoes on, I say "your hair looks very pretty today.  It makes you look grown up" naturally she replies "thanks.  I love your hair too!  But daddy doesn't have hair, where'd daddy's hair go?".  Not knowing what to say, I mutter, "daddy lost his hair."  M looks puzzled, then with excitement she starts stammering "we go to the grocery store mamma, we need to buy daddy more hair!".  Egging her on I ask "now where would we find hair at a grocery store?".  Without missing a beat she says "it's by the balls.  By the balls and bubbles mamma.  We need to go get for him k?".  So there you have it friends, for those suffering from hair loss, you can find hair for sale at the grocery store next to the balls and bubbles. 

Culinary Failure?

Those who know my mom and grandma know they are fantastic cooks/bakers/grill artists etc.  There's something about the way the prepare items that turns your mouth into a food parade.  Tastebuds start dancing and suddenly a meal becomes more than a meal.  Now, with that said, one would think that creating a meal based off their recipes-using the same ingredients-prepared the same way-would taste the same.  Yes? No?  Well, I missed out on this culinary gene.  Missed out in a big way.  These extraordinary women make the most delicious cookies, can I repeat this culinary genius?  Nope.  It's always an epic failure, and I do mean epic.  Cheesecake, I can cook.  And we (grandma, mom and I) make a mean cheesecake.  I've only had one that was better, and I do honestly mean that.  But when it comes to creating something useful on a daily basis i.e. bread?  Another failure.  Not so much an epic one this time, as it is edible, but it just does not taste like my moms.  It didn't even look like my moms!  The recipe is simple, there's only 6 ingredients.  Yet, I managed to mess it up.  I'm not looking for sympathy by any means.  It's just amazing to me how we all can have the same recipe, yet I have never been able to duplicate their product.  Anyone else have this problem?

To my 16 year old self:

Dear 16 year old me,
I have a few things to tell you to keep you sane this few years. Some you will not like to hear, but it's necessary, trust me!
1- High school sucks. Period. Whomever said they were the best years of your life clearly never went to college. Hang in there, it gets better, I promise!
2- Status isn't everything. I promise. I've seen what happens in the next 10 years.
3- Be kind to your family. At the end of the day they're the ones who stick around.
4- Never turn down an opportunity to meet someone great because you have a thing for someone else. The one you turn down (who am I kidding? Totally lead on, for which I'm incredibly regretful for) turned out to be a pretty great guy.
5- There IS more to life than boys and skiing. I know it sounds insane, but obsessing with either never got you far.
6- Stay out of those tanning beds. It's so unhealthy and just makes people look much older than they are. If you want to be tan, play outside in the summer!
7- Do be friends with whomever you want. Don't eliminate the chance to have a life long relationship just because your current friends don't like someone.
8- On that note, stop wasting energy being mean and hateful to people. It truly is a waste of energy and doesn't make you look good. I promise. It only makes you look like a bitch, and not the bad ass kind, just a royal PMSing bitch.
9- No one expects you to know who you are, I promise. Just figure out what makes you happy and do it. I promise everything else will fall into line.
10- Mom really does know best. When she says life gets better after high school, she's right. The "popular ones" go off to different places and you will get a fresh start in college. It's so worth it.
11- Ignore the ones who are mean to you. Everyone is insecure in high school, you took it out on others, they're doing the same to you. Remember the rule of 3 x 3!
12- The 'rents divorce isn't the end of the world, I promise. Better lives come along for them. It's better to be alone than to be with someone you don't like.
13- Speaking of being alone. The heartbreak you suffer this year? It's worth it. You totally gain a great friendship out of it.
14- Be more social and try harder! Some of those girls you don't like know become great friends in college (I am talking about you Miss LS and JV!)
15- Live life with no regrets.

I could keep on going, but who am I kidding? I would have stopped listening at #2.

Favorite Things Day

While Monday isn't my favorite day of the week, a few of my favorite things have happened in the last few days. I survived the outdoors and actually ENJOYED it. Those who know me, know I do not mesh with nature. I'm not sure if it was trying not to freak out in front of M so she would have fun, trying not to be a complete drama queen in front of my coworkers, or maybe I'm starting to come around to this nature business, that is until another snake slithers it's slimy ass across my foot while I'm carrying my expensive camera and child. Why is this a favorite thing you may ask? I love being pleasantly surprised. Another surprising moment this weekend, I took team pictures for the college baseball team this weekend. Walked in totally expecting attitude, disdain and sarcasm at every turn, however, I was greeted with open minds, cooperation and fun from all. All of these factors turned out some pretty cool pictures, if I do say so myself.
My favorite things weekend continued on through yesterday and this morning. I love waking up to a happy kiddo. These mornings seem childlike, which is the best way to begin any morning, much less the work week. As I'm trying to get myself ready I hear ruffling and a yawn come from her room. Childlike myself, I sing "Maaadyssseeennnnnn" only to hear "maaaaammmmmmaaaa" back. This is the tell all that today will be a good day for her. When she doesn't immediately come running out of her room I know one thing, she's playing hide and seek. So I open her door (only to find her curled up in a ball on her bed btw) and pretend that I can't find her anywhere, not her closet, not under her desk, not behind her curtains. Then when I'm about to give up, she jumps up on her bed and screams "here I am mamma!." That toothy smile is the best way to get me in a good mood, no matter what happens.
Hopefully these few favorite things of mine will put a smile on your face, no matter what kind of day you are having.