Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas (a day late) to everyone in cyberspace! I hope you all enjoyed your holiday and long weekend (for most). Christmas seems to be the final "hurrah" for people before the new year. New year brings resolutions. I'm one who attempts to make resolutions on an annual basis yet, like most people, never can keep them. You're probably guessing that I typically make the same resolutions yearly, and you'd be correct. Loose weight, be more positive, spend less money...blah blah blah. I'm one of those people who hits the gym really hard for a few months and suddenly quits, or eats healthy until Valentines Day and they say, what the hell, I've consumed 4 chocolate bunnies, a dozen Peeps, a dozen Jello eggs and 4 big bags of mini eggs, so really I've killed my diet. There is something different about this year. Perhaps it's because I have my own treadmill, or because I finally have the motivation to run a half marathon, or because I have a wonderful support system behind me (Jamie, JJ, Em, Ash, mom...the list goes on). Either way, the only resolution I'm making this year is to be true to what I want and to not let anything get in my way. For you readers who also make resolutions, I send good thoughts your direction and hope you stick with your resolutions.
Toodles!

I've been awful!

I'm officially the worst blogger EVER! I never write, I never call...well, you get the idea!
I haven't been on lately because I've been fairly negative lately. Nothing in particular, just been a negative Nancy. Now that this funk has disappeared, I can return to my positive life!!
Things have been chaotic lately, still trying to decide what in the world I want to do for the rest of my life. I've applied for several jobs around here, alas, have not been offered any. I'm strongly considering going to school for microbiology or pre-optometry and applying to med or optometry school. If any of you in blog land have suggestions, I'm open to anything!!

Well No Wonder!

In trying to find the me I used to and want to return to once again, I'm finding qualities in myself that I don't like. In discovering those qualities, I'm finding them in other people (which has me quite crabby these days). The reason I bring this up is because lately I've paid attention to the crap I eat, which of course takes residence on my ass, causing me to gain weight. In this, I've taken notice to the crap others consume, and holy crap! When did it become socially acceptable to consume a 26 ounce milkshake everyday, and for breakfast none the less?! Not to mention a 26 ounce latte, or worse, white mocha/pumpkin spice with half and half. You people understand this is half table cream and half whole milk correct? Top it with whipped cream and a 500 calorie scone and you have found the magical formula for the obesity epidemic in this nation!
Starting on Sunday I began to count the number of people who habitually order these milkshakes (and honestly people, lets not kid ourselves, they are in Essen's milkshakes-whole milk, sugar, fat, some ice, blended and topped with our favorite!). At an average of 200 calories in an tall, they're not a healthy alternative to the milkshakes McDonalds offers, trust me!
Now, looking at the "healthy" alternatives around grocery stores/restaurants, I'm noticing items with low calories but packed with salt/fat/trans fats - believe me, they're still in there, just labeled as partially hydrogenated oils - to maintain the "flavor" the random chemical composition in these so called meals. I'm not making excuses for my weight problem, believe me I know how I got here, but I want to scream at these people who get non-fat milk because it will save the calories, but still order a 26 ounce drink! The caloric difference between whole and nonfat milk is minor in comparison. It's the portion sizes that are killing people.
Post venting, I am proud to admit the commitment I have to compete in and complete the Disney World Half Marathon next fall. Starting to save money so JJ and Madysen can come cheer us on, then go play once I finish. I am proud to admit I have been running intervals and am up to 5 miles an hour (will also admit the longest I've run is 1.5 minutes with a 3.5 minute walking interval). I'm doing this the correct way, not going to push myself into running hard and long, then not being able to continue the next week.
Toodles!

Rock and Hard Place

Today I was reminded why there is a high divorce rate in emergency services (no, I'm not getting divorced, nor am I thinking about it). It's difficult to sit back and do nothing when your significant other is so miserable with their job. A year and a half ago, J supported me while I quit a full time job (with amazing benefits I may add), to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life. Today I'm applying to the Radiography program at LCCC, working at the store and thinking of applying for a killer position at UW. How I wish I could tell him to quit and find something that will make him happy. I know my quitting has put us in financial strain (thus a little relationship strain), but J has supported whatever I have decided to do with myself. Some days I think it would be easier to pack up and move. I've also thought of applying to various places for him and let him decide whether we go or not. There are many days I think about leaving here, but it is home. It's a great place to raise kids and I love being so close to my family, but if he's not happy, I want to make him happy. Hopefully things resolve themselves when this election is over (which I can't freaking wait for btw).
'til next time

Weird day...weird weird day!

Today was one of those days where I wasn't sure if it was unofficial Dr. Seuss day or if I was on Punked! People were odd at work, strange random customers kept coming in (and coughing all over me btw-#1 way to piss me off-cough in my face, don't apologize for it and expect me to be all smiles about you...not going to happen). I swear there is something in the water!

Grrr!!

I can't help but be annoyed today. There is someone in my life (not by choice I might add) that annoys the crap out of me. She's inconsiderate and lacks complex thinking, I wish I could cut her out of my life, alas, I can not. All of you reading, trust me I'm 99.999999999999% sure it's not you. (If you're really concerned that I'm talking about you, just text me, I'll let ya know!). I want to let everything out on the table, but because of some commonalities I cannot.

Other than that, today was fairly productive. I got my grandma a birthday gift and one of my besties a housewarming gift. I forget how much I miss that girl until we spend time together. It was brief but I still miss her! She was the person who first gave me strength to be myself and to tell others to kick rocks.

Lastly, I can't emphasize enough how much I hate fits! Two sucks, plain and simple. When M has her good days, she's terrific!! We have so much fun and she's so well behaved, however, when she's in a bad mood or sleepy.... :( Kiddo kills me!

New day, new month, new goals!

Today is much happier than yesterday. I wish I could have been with the boys, I'm trying to get Amanda (Jim's ex whom no other girl will live up to) to meet me in Denver next year so all 4 of us can consume Jack in mass quantities. Everyone grieves in their own way!
October begins one of my favorite seasons - fall. The leaves turn to a special University of Wyoming Cowboys gold (more proof that God really is a Cowboys fan), the weather is gorgeous - not too hot, not too cold, lots of birthdays (mom, grandma, JJ) and Halloween. October this year also means a new goal for me, I will be able to run 2 miles without stopping by the end of this month. I'm going to complete the Warrior Dash with a time to be proud of. After that, I'm going to run the Las Vegas Half Marathon with my mom and sister next November. I am focusing more on distance and time instead of weight - seems to be more productive this way!
November follows October (duh, I know). But this November means something different this year. I'm going to apply to the Radiography program at LCCC this November. I'm finished screwing around with my life. My husband has supported us long enough without help! God bless him, he's been amazing and hasn't asked much in return. And lets face it, any guy who decides to put up with my bull is a great guy!!
Toodles!

October 1

Today will be a short post, as I don't have much to say. October 1st marks a dark day in my life as my best friend/brother/soul mate/confidant lost his mom in a freak accident. Five years have passed since I got the phone call, but I will never forget how difficult it was for him to tell me about Kala passing. A lot has changed in 5 years! I got married, have a little girl, Jimmy's moved to Maryland, but we are more close than we ever have been, and Tommy, well Tommy's Tommy. Always good for a laugh!
Kala, we miss you dearly but I know you are always with my brothers taking care of them like always.
Till next time.

Ooops!

I knew I was going to be horrible with this but alas, I'm back!
Some things have changed since I was last on here, I'm trying hard to become the person I always wanted to be: positive, caring and elegant while having the courage to stand up for myself. I've always been the person who will drop everything to help friends, yet found friends who would put me on the back burner. Not anymore! I'm moving on from these poisonous "friends" and spending some quality time working on me.
Secondly, I've begun to focus more on training goals and step away from weight lost. Weight is just a number that tends to fluctuate, but knowing I can run 6 miles is something that will be difficult to take away.
Thirdly (after much discussion ans debate), I've decided to not go to graduate school but apply for the radiography program instead. This would allow me to do the 1400 other things I really want to do with my life while making enough money to support the life JJ and I want to live (one with out debt!)
Hopefully there won't be so much time before my next post.
Cheers!

Day 2

I supposed I should explain why I titled this "Discovering Me." I've always been the friend who looses herself in relationships. Not just romantic relationships, friendships as well. I forget who I am, what I believe in and so forth. I this, I've lost a lot of who I am as well as set myself up for major heartbreak. I also tend to trust people easy, too easy. So here I am, post major blowups with good friends, post me being a total bitch for no reason, and post me caring what others think about me (at least I'm pretending I don't care). The past year has been spent with many ups and downs, but mostly figuring out me. The real me. Not some robot morphed into the person I think others want me to be. Some days are easier than others as are all changes. I spend a lot of time chanting to myself (yes, I said chanting) to remember who I want to be.
Well, the kiddo is screaming because we're attempting to give up the binkie. Thus far, she's winning this battle of wills.
'till next time!

Day 1

I swore up and down I'd never do one of these. Then as they became more popular and more of my family moves away, I'm finding it more difficult to stay in touch on a regular basis. This normally wouldn't be an issue, but when you've got a toddler involved, nothing is normal!
For all you family out there, here's an update on our life!
The husband seems pleased with the result of the primary election. The candidate we were really hoping would win, did not. However, the one candidate he really did not want to win, did not. I guess we can't ask for more except to go out and vote for the general election. Every vote counts!
The baby (whom isn't really a baby anymore, 2 in 10 days!) is growing quite considerably. Walking, talking, running, fit throwing, wining...in a nutshell, becoming independent. It sort of breaks my heart that she thinks she no longer needs me, but on the flip side, she's becoming so much fun. We went to Douglas for State Fair a few weeks ago, and she had a blast helping Nana with Jose's poop (as she pointed out, it was EVERYWHERE). I think her favorite part was looking at all the animals. She does love her animals!
For me, well, here I sit in a conundrum. Do I go to Graduate School to continue my Bachelor's Degree only to enroll in a Doctorate Program with the hopes that I can have a job at UW, or do I find a different Graduate Program, i.e. Counseling, and hope that I enjoy that as much as I do teaching?! The few Counseler Ed graduates I've talked to have all said to stay away. If only I could convince my husband to move...there are many more opportunities for me to also be successful anywhere but here.